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My parents were formidably – perhaps recklessly – Catholic, but even among the ranks of the devout, to be one of 11 was singularly, fizzily demented. Sheila O’Reilly was dead and my father drove back to Derry as the sole parent of 11 children.Ĭontrary to the expectations of non-Irish people, it was highly unusual to have a family so large. I can’t imagine the horror of that morning, my father racing dawn, chain-smoking as he managed the 90-minute drive from Derry to Belfast in less than an hour. Their exact words went unrecorded, but the general gist was that he’d want to get there quick. The hospital rang my father at 3am on Thursday 17 October 1991. In fact, my mother died from the breast cancer that had spun a cruel, mocking thread through her life for four years. I couldn’t help picturing Mammy awakening to a frenzy of mechanical beeping as the roof caved in and God’s two great probing fingers smashed through the roof to relocate her to that odd garden he kept in heaven, presumably so he’d have something to do on Sundays. In truth, I found the flower story unsettling. In that way of five-year-olds, I feared sadness in adults above all things, so I leaned my head upon Margaret’s shoulder to reassure her that her words had scrubbed things clean. I think it’s fair to say I had no idea what was going on, save that this was all very sad and, worse, making Margaret sad.
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The cords were inordinately delightful to fiddle with, most especially when I flicked my finger up and down their pleasing grooves, stopping only each time a super-heated nail forced a change of hands. Contrary to the expectations of non-Irish people, it was highly unusual to have a family of 11 children It placed my mother’s death in that category of stories where people met their heroes.Īs Margaret reassured me that God was an avaricious gardener intent on murdering my loved ones any time he pleased, I concentrated once more on my new corduroy slacks, summoned from the ether as if issued by whichever government department administers to the needs of all the brave little boys with dead, flowery mams – an Infant Grief Action-Pack stuffed with trousers, sensible underpants, cod liver oil tablets and a solar-powered calculator. So, in one sense, Margaret’s version of events was kind of comforting. She had all the action figures – small Infant of Prague statuettes, much larger Infant of Prague statuettes, little blue plastic flasks of holy water in the shape of God’s own mammy herself.
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She went to all his gigs – mass, prayer groups, marriage guidance meetings. It was nice to think that Mammy was so well-liked by God, since she was a massive fan. “Sometimes,” croaked Margaret in a voice bent ragged from two days’ crying, “when God sees a particularly pretty flower, He’ll take it up from Earth, and put it in his own garden.” She and her husband, Phillie, were close friends of my parents and their presence is one of the few memories that survive from that period, most specifically the conversation Margaret had with me there and then.
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On my first full day as a half-orphan, I remember fiddling with unfamiliar cords as Margaret held my cheek and told me Mammy was a flower. O ne thing they don’t tell you about mammies is that when they die you get new trousers.